I have two kids, both of whom have been in childcare since they were about 11 months. Every day that I drop them off I’m happy that they will find stimulation in and care from great teachers and some really cool kids.
But, when the gate closes behind me, my heart sinks just a little bit as well. Every day.
At the same time, I understand that – in the society and ways I’ve bought into – this is the way for the time being, that with two employed parents we are very fortunate… and, for the most part, our kids seem to be really thriving with the stimulation. The fact that my oldest sometimes asks to go to childcare at 8am on a Saturday kind of gave it away.
Tonight, I had my 4th parent-teacher night ever… for my 20-month old. Typically, the teacher shares photos and stories about your child then asks a few questions like: “What should we focus on with your child? What goals do you have for your child?”
My answers usually revolve around ‘a balance of everything’ and that ‘goals can come later’. I feel like I’m letting the question down, but doing my job as a parent – as I see it. Is that called cognitive dissonance? Word.
Anyway… I thought I’d share my thoughts on what I actually want for my kids – knowing that I have impact – but no control – over what actually will happen.
The headline: I want them to find their own rhythm in life
I’ve said this a few times when asked by different people. It’s cute – but it’s bullshit. If I was honest with myself, that means that I want them to be happy being themselves but hopefully absorbing a lot of my values in the process. But it doesn’t mean that they have to get into uni, that they have to work as obsessively as I have over the years, that they have to make lots of money.
It does mean that I want them to engage in the good, constructive things that humanity has on offer – and to choose a lot more of this than the opposite.
So, having given it a little more thought… here are 7 things I would like my kids to become – and, if they read it some day, know that this is not a checklist. You will get high-fives and knuckles as long as you do good.
1. Intellectually curious and adventurous
I can’t help it but I struggle with people who aren’t curious about the world. Like, why are we here? Why do we behave how we behave? Where do butterflies come from? But, I struggle even more with people who are curious but have no desire to do, to turn their thoughts and ideas into actions. I respect this value.
2. Problem solvers
This is connected to the above but I love the analytical mind that tries to make things better. I try in my own way to do this. It doesn’t have to be on a grand scale, but I hope they solve problems more than they complain about or create them.
3. Empathic
Easy to say; hard to do. I simply hope that they think more about other people around them than not. Sometimes you meet people who are so in tune with others – how they feel, how to help them, patient listeners – that you realise how self-absorbed you are. I don’t wish that my kids become saint-like but I do hope they consider the issues in the lives of people around them and try to be change agents in those situations.
4. Physically ambitious
This is not about being the best in the world. It’s about exploring the world through their physicality – not turning it off. I hope they get to experience their bodies in ways they couldn’t have imagined (keep it clean) – my main personal example is through martial arts. If you’ve ever trained and seen your leg pop up above your head, felt exhausted but punched on, wrestled your way out of a choke… you know what I mean.
5. Good communicators
I think you can have average ideas, communicate them well and still make an impact. Of course, I hope my kids have the odd fantastic idea – simple fantastic is cool; versus Nobel Prize – but ideas are nothing if you can’t express them to people in motivating ways.
6. Able to love without being blinded by it
I hope my kids can love the crazy, unbridled love. The meal-replacement kind of love. I just hope that, in doing so, they keep most of their senses about them.
7. Aware that I’m always there for them – and completely flawed
Times will get tough but we’ll get through them. I’ll physically be there to make sure we do – touch wood. Also, nobody’s perfect – especially your parents. Every day we learn stuff. That’s what keeps us going.
What do you want for your kids?
I’d love to know.
Photo by foreversouls. (Not my kids!)
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