My biggest fear in life

Wow. Yes, I enjoyed the read. And the candour. Thanks Mark

I've felt this - not from sleepless nights but from traveling overseas and seeing how others live & realising how really lucky we are to have been born as we did. it'd be a shame to waste that gift.

biggest fear? recently it's been maybe that I'll keep working like this forever & never have kids. and if I gave up the work what would I do?

As I tweeted at you earlier today, my biggest fear is mediocrity. Far too many average- and under-achievers around; damned if I'm gonna join that crowd.

I really, truly don't have any big fears. I've done enough scary things to realise that no scary thing is ever as scary as I feared it would be, and enough unexpected scary things have happened to me to teach me that there's no point wasting time trying to anticipate them. The time I used to waste fearing things I now spend working on my rolling-with-it skills.

I'm not entirely fear free. I still have lots of little fears: the fear that I won't be able to get a park less than six blocks from the appointment I'm already supposed to be at; the fear of discovering that, all along, my stuff has not in fact been backed up; the fear of being buried in unread emails; the fear of being stuck in a broken elevator with way too many cricket tragics; the fear that I might already have five packets/tins/bags/refrigerator compartments full of this ingredient at home as the cashier swipes it; the fear that the ATM machine won't make that tiny metallic click that presages the opening of the secure cash dispensing mechanism and will instead tell me once again that my account balance is insufficient.

Hmmm, I think mine would have to be not being loved.

Mark,
Thanks for the honesty and starting a very interesting topic. My biggest fear is similar - but as opposed to not making a difference, mine is to not reach my potential. The challenge, how do you set what your potential is?
To define a life by constantly surprising yourself by what you can achieve or the difference you can make, is to constantly redefine your own potential.
Here is to all of you rising to your own personal challenge and lighting the world on fire ... unless your an arsonist in which case please accept my apologies on the analogy.

CL

Time

Enjoyed it Mark, thoroughly.
Funny I have noticed a similar thing recently. I think I am addicted to thinking too. I know I am not my thoughts and I try not to think at times, espescially during meditation, but it is like the machine can't be shut down completely. That drive to think is pervasive. Where does this addiction come from? I think that a great deal of this is through cognitively based education and occupation. Thinking, worry and anxiety does seem to be more common in the highly educated.

The basis for this cognition is the ego. Without the discriminating concept of I there would be no thoughts to come from. "I think therefore I am" or I think therefore I exist from Descartes - that if something does something then that something must exist. The belief in our existence is the ego and that makes our thoughts seem "real". It is the ego which has the desire to do and think to confirm its existence. It likes to discriminate to confirm itself and it likes to control to confirm itself. The truth is your thoughts are illusory. They are mere concepts or abstractions and misrepresent reality.

I think with alot of practice it is achievable to have control and turn off and on the thoughts when useful or useless. Those moments when the thoughts are turned off, when you can reside in the moment, that I believe is when the greatest truth can be perceived. The moment when you are not obscured by discriminating thoughts or concepts which are abstract and do not represent reality. Thoughts about the past and the future for example obscure the present moment. The past has gone and the future undetermined. It is in that reality that I believe the real truth may lye. It is in the present moment of meditation without thoughts that I am most happy and peaceful. I wonder therefore if I got rid of the ego, if I would be forever happy.

Thanks for sharing so candidly Mark. I've felt it too, not sleeping properly for days on end and constantly waking up to scribble something in my notebook beside the bed, worried that if I wake up the idea will have left me. I used to worry that if I slowed down I would never be able to gear back up to the pace at which I like to travel. If I slowed down I'd never achieve all the things I was capable of, or see all the ideas with so much potential come to fruition.

Funny thing is, as I get older I've become much better at turning on during the day and then flipping the switch and sneaking out to go to the beach for a quick swim or something else which slows me down to relax for the rest of the evening. It doesn't stop the mind going, but sometimes it means I can drive through the night in first gear instead of always being in sports mode.

@Kath Wastage and inescapable destiny - definitely stressful. What are you doing about them? Thanks for sharing such personal thoughts.

@Alan Such practical anxieties! I admire your fear-free existence. I'm OK with fear - I've found a place for it in my life and I'm enjoying the status quo.

@Kate Richardson Ooo, deep. You wouldn't be alone there.

@Chris I like the idea of constantly surprising yourself. It's easy to get stuck in existing paradigms. What's the last thing you did where you surprised yourself?

@Michael Why do you fear time?

@Nathan We've discussed some of this a bit. I enjoyed some of the writings about Ego in 'New Earth' but I'm experimenting with allowing Ego to do its thing but to ensure its attention is focused on positive stuff.

@Jen I used to fear slowing down too. Do you get your best ideas in these situations?

Struck a chord Mark, great post.

You know, I've survived two near-death motor vehicle accidents, and been caught in the middle of a terrorist attack (Bali, 2002), and have done my fair share of thinking on mortality and what is really important in life. On each occassion, all I could think about was letting close family and friends know how much I loved them. So I guess my greatest fear is that being time-poor gets in the way of showing those close to me, every single day, how much they mean to me.

I fear that what I have done is not enough. Someday, someone will expose me as a fraud but I had nothing to hide in the first place. Am I inferior? If I can count to ten in 3 languages does that mean I can speak in 3 different languages?

@Sean Wow some big life stuff there. I share that fear too. The system we're in forces compromise but I haven't seen a system that doesn't.

@Dr Mahjong Can you be exposed as a fraud if you have nothing to hide?

I fear that I will not live long enough to realise my potential to tell the stories I've longed to tell. And by not doing so be unable to make the differences in people's lives I so wish to make.