Comments on: Being a man: 21 thoughts from an insider

By: being a real man is not easy. « Monkey in a Bowl

being a real man is not easy. « Monkey in a Bowl — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 03:08:48 +0000

[...] February I came accross this post. It is by Mark Pollard and he put a wonderful description of what it means to be a real man today. [...]

By: Andrea

Andrea — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 12:55:48 +0000

Brilliant insights from a man’s perspective, I must say. I loved your post

By: Sparks

Sparks — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:47:01 +0000

While it seems like women after going through centuries of feminism, are evolving and portraying a stronger front – more career driven, more empowered, able to take charge and stand up, making pow-wow fashion statements, chewing men and spitting them out in boardrooms, juggling between soccer and motherhood, etc, your blog tells me that men are also evolving at the quiet front. It may not be the ‘ra ra’ kind like what women are going through but men are becoming more responsibly sensitive to both himself and his immediate surroundings, more willing to acknowledge feelings and let them guide his actions, knowing the difference between profitability and responsibility and the list goes on. Subconsciously, the new century male seems to be moving towards human perfectionism without even knowing that he is. I think I like him more now

By: Michael Robinson

Michael Robinson — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 01:53:18 +0000

I was going to be a smart arse about this, because its a easier, less confrontational natural state for me when discussing these issues. You’ve heard “There’s a grain of truth in all jokes”?

Ideally your own manhood is based on role models. Sometimes you have to create your own image of what you should be.

I spent my life trying to connect with my father. He almost killed himself with a bulldozing a tree when I was 3, and could not come to terms with the effects of the damage he had done to himself. He could walk, but was classified Paraplegic by the Government. Not only did he have problems with his physical side, the mental was horrific. Depression can wreak damage on families, and it certainly did on mine.

I pushed the boundaries of our father son relationship and ensured contact. I can probably count on two hands the amount of times he actually rang me. My brother and sister don’t feel the same way. He was a lost man who had a hard life.

His epitaph on his grave stone reads something like this:
“No fear, no pain, no grief can reach our father laying here.”
Fear, grief, and pain…were my role model. But he was loved.

So, now I have my own children, and I ask myself, “what will project onto my kids”? I often think the opposite to what my father was, but things come though and I can’t help at times but mimic him. One thing I know I do is when I say “Good Job Aiden/Rowan!” I mean it in a good way. Not “Good Job! Ha Ha! (idiot)”

Take all that I wrote away from above and I would say, that if you have not evolved into a man by the time you have children, then having your first born will be an revolution!

Note: Not that there is anything wrong with bachelorhood either, but your decision process is a lot easier when you don’t have others relying on you.

By: Mark Pollard

Mark Pollard — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 11:28:36 +0000

@Tony My partner in crime Definitely agree re: connecting with dad. Not all dads are built for it though.

@holliejtaylor Testosterone’s a bitch Guys have to go through their own journey. Mistakes are part of that journey. But I agree that these sorts of discussions need to be made more widely accessible.

@Jake Interesting though. I guess masculinity is more connected to destruction than protection of nature.

@Matt I like your thought about not needing someone else to make you happy. We’re not born thinking we need people to make us happy – I think it’s something we start feeling as we move into our teens.

@Dr Mahjong Deep. Agree. Mind you, dumplings from the Burlington Centre will go a long way.

@Kath Funny you should say that… Hold tight! Outsider’s perspective coming up.